Pre-mature goodbyes and how I hate them..

18th August 1998 was the first time I stepped into Beaconhouse Margalla Campus. I looked around myself; shyly, timidly. I looked up to see a collosal red bricked building. With my heavy bag on my weak shoulders, I closed my eyes, prayed to God and walked in. I mustered as much confidence as I could and walked straight ahead. The place somehow took to me, the corridors welcomed me, almost beckoning me to move forward and explore the place. I felt suddenly impassioned as I made my way to my first proper class. I knew this place would play an instrumental role in who I was going to be in the next 20 years. I was 8 years and 3 months old at that time.

10 years have passed and I celebrated my 18th birthday 5 months ago. I am now in my senior most year and for the first tomorrow I will wake up in the morning and not take the usual route to school but sit on a bus and go all the way to the suburbs of Islamabad and attend school. I'll miss the red bricked building dearly. It has made me who I am today. It is such an integral part of me. It's been a second home to me. It's looked out for me. It has sheltered me. It has amused me. It has been my sanctuary. It has been home away from home.

I remember wearing the Student Council sash and waving the Pakistan flag every morning to the National Anthem. I remember singing along with great fervour and enthusiasm. (this is when I actually believed in my country). I remember sitting on the school steps with my friends discussing a list of firsts. First crushes, first spots of blood, first trainers, first cell phones and ofcourse first slambooks! I clearly recall spending half the day filling out slambooks, answering the same questions over and over again. I remember the numerous trips to the canteen, the games periods, the ogling, the pranks, the catfights (that I thankfully was never a part of). There are so many memories. I remember standing in the middle of the ground during a particularly hazy day and being approached by the person who I can safely say I love more than anyone else now. I made friends I could never have made anywhere else, I met a myriad of people; good and bad. People I could not have met elsewhere. People who changed my life. People who gave it meaning. I owe alot to the red bricked building. It has moulded me into the person I am today and I am truly thankful to it.

Applications, Elections, Food and more..

So while half the world is glued to the TV screen right now, waiting to see what will happen, I am sitting in my room, fuming; yes fuming. Why may you ask? Because, I HATE boys. Well, one boy to be particular but yes, HATE is what I am feeling right now-down right rage. However, there isn't much I can do about it and not alot of details I can offer because I would rather not talk about the incidents of today and look past them and think of a more interesting topic to talk about. Like the absolutely heavenly samosas I had in school today but wait, most of you don't even know what samosas are and I don't think I can go on about this sub-conti delight for more than two sentences of which most of you know nothing. Needless to say, they are delicious and you MUST try them. They're usually boiled potatoes and spices stuffed in a rectangular wrapper which is then friend. They are absolutely amazing and had my vocabulary been more extensive I would have provided you with a list of synonyms of delicious to describe the delightful taste of samosas (pronounced as sum-oh-sas)

Moving on from samosas, application season is here and I am still undecided and I am still contemplating whether or not to apply abroad to the US since I know that any such decision will not be welcomed by my parents who think I will become morally 'corrupt' if I move abroad for my bachelors. What they don't know is that it's quite easy to get corrupted in our rather closed society too since almost everything happens here too, just behind closed curtains. But right now, the last thing I want to do is engage in such a conversation with my parents as I am quite certain they will not be too happy with me and a huge family Maha Bharat will culminate from this one statement of mine.

So while the Americans debate over which candidate to pick and the rest of the world airs special programs covering today's elections and waiting for the decision which will eventually change the course of the world (hopefully); I shall sit and look for colleges on College Board and prepare for the SAT despite my parents unwillingness to send me any further away than the neighbouring city.

Take care.

November Rain.

I'm sure most of you have heard this song and for those haven't..be ashamed, be VERY ashamed. It's one of my favorites by Guns and Roses and it's a true classic! I decided to paste the lyrics for everybody to read. This song is absolutely beautiful. Do listen to it and if you haven't in some time then you know just what to do today. :)

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained
But darlin' when I hold you
Don't you know I feel the same
'Cause nothin' lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain

We've been through this such a long long time
Just tryin' to kill the pain
But lovers always come and lovers always go
And no one's really sure who's lettin' go today
Walking away If we could take the time to lay it on the line
I could rest my head
Just knowin' that you were mine
All mine..
So if you want to love me
then darlin' don't refrain
Or I'll just end up walkin'
In the cold November rain

Do you need some time...on your own
Do you need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone
I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you

Sometimes I need some time...on my own
Sometimes I need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone


And when your fears subside
And shadows still remain,
I know that you can love me
When there's no one left to blame
So never mind the darkness
We still can find a way'
Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain

Rambling is healthy.

So here I am, sitting on the same couch I was sitting on all day yesterday and the day before and the day before the day before and the day...well, you get the point don't you? So yes, I have been wasting quite alot of time sitting on this blessed couch of mine, doing finger pushups and other such highly productive exercises.

I'm back from vacations, I've unpacked, I've started school again..life is somewhat back on track. I managed to find a distraction, two distractions infact; the first being SAT and the second being this uber gorgeous male specie in school. But ofcourse, like everything else in life these two things have brought with them a plethora of problems. The first being with SAT ofcourse. My math is bad and I don't like doing geometrical exercises, they puzzle my brain and make me think of old life experiences and people that I'd much rather forget. Then there is the fact that I registered too late and so I have been given a seat in Kabul. Imagine taking your SAT exam amidst bombings and bearded terrorists? Not too comforting? Thought so. Then ofcourse are the problems with the boy, a. he likes another girl and b. I love my boy/ex-boy way too much to be able to concentrate on another boy. I missed a class because of this gorgeous golf-player and there were still no butterflies in my stomach and no violen players erupting from thin air. So yes, life is very very sad. Today is my parent's 23rd wedding anniversary and while everybody is super excited, I am thinking; what's the big fuss about? My parents ofcourse are quite bothered by my lack of enthusiasm. So while all I really want to do now is sit, watch Gossip Girl back-to-back and eat lots of chocolate, what I'll have to do is plaster a 400 KWatt smile on my face and roam around the house having discussions about how marvelous and magical love can be.

So wish me luck, all my readers/confidants. I will need it. I hope everybody else out there is having a better time. Oh and I have started a book club in school so if anybody wants to suggest a good book, feel free to comment on my blog and tell me!

Random thought: Blogging is therapeutic!

Jetlagged and Depressed.

It is 1:00 am in the morning here and I just woke up, after sleeping for 8 hours. I don't think I'll be sleeping for a long time now, I don't think I'll be feeling too well in school tomorrow either, I also don't think I'll be able to make it on time to my best friend's birthday and somehow manage to keep my eyes open throughout the party. I landed in Islamabad this morning after a 6 hour light from Heathrow where i transitted for 8 whole hours. My journey started from Chicago, no sorry Dayton, on Friday. From Dayton, we drove to Chicago so that was another 5 hours of pure torture. The flight from Chicago to Heathrow was 8 hours and not quite as turbulent as the flight to follow. I absolutely totally and completely hate travelling. It is an utter waste of time, money and energy. I am heavily jetlagged now and I feel like pelting myself with stones for embarking on such a long and strenuous journey. But I am back now, that should make me happy no? Well, not really. I miss my nephews and I do not like the third-world as much as I thought I do. I hate the weather and school is crowded and suffocating. I hate all the dust that has settled on my bedside table and I also hate the fact that I am so far away from 'him' again. I hate living in different time zones. It's 1:34 am here while he's at work and having lunch at his regular time. I miss him and I want him to miss me. That, however, is way too much to be asking for. I had a great time in the US and I miss it for quite alot of reasons. Though I don't think I'll be doing some travelling for quite some time now.

So anyhow, life is sad. As always. And even if it isn't I will make sure I find a reason to make it sad. I will write to you soon, hopefully-from the otherside of the world and from a different time zone altogether. Take care and lots of love.

Late Night Rambling.

Hello again,
As you all (or the one follower I have) can see I am quite obsessed with blogging. I enjoy it alot more than running on the treadmill which has been sleeping next to me since the past month in my sister's gym which is where I'm boarding these days. It is also better than packing, which is something I hate with a passion. I am leaving back for Pakistan in a few days and I've been trying to get my hands on all the clearance items and so the there is the constant fear of carrying overweight bags and having to unpack it and pack it all over again at the airport. Though there is a great chance that that might not happen since your dollar isn't really 'a' dollar for us Pakis. It's more like 78 ruppees and 21 paisas (which was the conversion rate the last time I checked). And because of the rapid devaluation of the Rupee I won't be surprised if the dollar reaches an all new high of 80 Rs! But anyhow, this is not about finances and the disastrous conditions that the global economy is in. I hear too much of that all day. This is about my reluctance on going back to the dull and mundane life that I lead back home. Again, not to mention that I don't have a good circle of friend, because I do, I have a delightfully nice set of friends who I know will always be there for me but sometimes in life, you can be surrounded by numerous faces and still just look for one. And in the search of that one face, let loneliness spell your doom.

It is 12:48 am and I have no intention of sleeping. Instead, I am online writing on my blog. I don't even know if anybody is reading this. I don't know if anybody will ever read this or whether this blog will ever matter to anyone but that's not why I'm here; to gain publicity online or be the author of a successful blog (which I don't think this will ever be:P) I am here because I have nobody to talk to. I am writing out to nobody in particular because there is nobody in particular that I could write to. And yes, I know I sound quite morbid right now..which if you see me, you will know I am not. But it's the sad truth of my life that despite being surrounded by alot of faces I still yearn for that one face and because I know I won't be able to see that ever again I let loneliness grip me in it's deathly web.

Anyway, that was enough morbidity for a day. I will move on to tell you that I have gotten over Lindor Truffles since I happened to discover the weighing machine in the bathroom closet this evening and saw that I have gained 10 pounds since I have come here and now I knew just then that this relationship had to end. It was doing me no good and LT just like all other men is a two-faced cunniving bastard (I have not read the Terms and Conditions so if swearing is not allowed then feel free to comment). Oh and readers (if there are any which there should be since I just saw that my viewership has increased) please do not confuse me for a weight-obsessed, wannabe Paris Hilton (or is she too 2005 now?), whining bimbo because I am not. Though I do love pink and Gossip Girl and 90210 and anything with a good-looking cast living the American dream and trying to look for issues where there are none! But I guess everybody has their own guilty pleasures :)

Toodles.

Love at first sight!

Is it too early to be rebounding? Well maybe not, but I am truly, madly and deeply in love with Lindor Truffles! Lindor Truffles shall from now on be reffered to as 'he' because I refuse to think of them as inanimate objects. Something so warm and sensitive can not not be treated as anything less than human!
Anyhow, so the moment I took one in, it melted in my mouth giving me the most magical feeling ever, and there-after such a long time, I felt true love. I felt love and being loved all at the same time. It was a great sensation. I love chocolate and i love 'him'. 'He' is the best rebound ever! Who knew chocolate could be such a healer? It made me forget all my past worries and all my relationship troubles. It was pure ecstacy i tell you! So anyone out there who's having troubles in life and is on the look out for a nice rebound, try Lindor Truffles. He's sure going to make you feel better!